We are having our rehearsal dinner in 4 days (Friday night) and we’re doing it at a 5 star restaurant that my brother is a manager at and was able to get us into. We purchased our own wine with his help and will bring it to the rehearsal dinner and have it corked there… so we will only be paying for everyones dinner, dessert, beverage (non alcoholic), and wine if people would like it. My concern is that people will order cocktails (which are not cheap at this restaurant) off the menu when the server comes around and the server will just tack it onto the bill. The wedding the next day is open bar, so we are not supplying that for the rehearsal dinner as well. How do I express to people in a tactful way that we are only supplying the wine, if they order beer or cocktails at the rehearsal it’s on them?! Or can I make that clear to the server so that they express it to anyone who may ask for cocktails?
Kikidee: You’re ridiculous!
These are your days! Unfortunately there are some sticklers who have to have there beers or hard alcohol. Be blunt and tell them "We are supplying you with food and limited wine and unlimited non alcoholic drinks.. You don’t need to explain or feel guilty. It is the rehearsal dinner not the wedding reception. Let them know they are welcome to purchase beer or cocktails but they would need to go to the bar. I would STRONGLY suggest that the waitstaff put on notice that they are not to serve any other alcoholic drink other then the wine. So you don’t end up shelling out a few hundred more dollars!
So if your guests want something other then wine they need to go to the bar and order and pay for it. I have a
suggestion though I know it is just a few days away but to be fair you may want to consider a couple cases of beer or even 1 case too. That way people can have the choice of wine or beer. I know a lot of people who prefer wine but i know a lot that only drink beer. This way they have wider choice and the likelihood of many going for cocktails would be slim to none. A lighter beer and a darker beer maybe. Good luck!
Again, do not let the waitstaff give hard alcoholic drinks. Your guests will need to get it from the bar!
Personally, I would supply beer and wine that way people will stay away from the hard stuff at least until the next day:-) ! But there is NO HARM with going with the wine only.
Don’t feel guilty or concern yourself that you would be looked at as being cheap. You just don’t want people to be hungover and late to your special day.. Wine and beer !!
Good luck and congrats !!
July 5th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
CHEAPO!!!! But You Want Those Big Crisp Hundreds in your card the next day!
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The people at your Rehearsal dinner are the most important People in your life! Your Parents, All Your People standing up in your wedding!It’s not the whole wedding! How Much are people gonna drink during a Dinner?At Least offer Beer too! Guys don’t drink wine! I’m not ridiculous, I’m realistic!
July 5th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
If I were you I would explain the situation to the server. That way you can avoid any awkward explanation. Best wishes and Congratulations!
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July 5th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
You could speak to your brother so he could have a word with the staff. If someone asks for a cocktail they could be told (politely) that is is not an option and then state the drinks that are included with the meal, or be given the option of ordering one on THEIR tab. That should give them a hint.
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July 5th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
I would get to the restaurant as early as possible, or you said that your brother is the manager, so you could let him know and he could tell whomever your server(s) are, that you are ONLY paying for what you have said above, that if the guests wish to order something different, to let them know that only the wine or non-alcoholic drinks are being paid for by you. You’re shelling out a lot of money for this wedding and rehearsal dinner and also the reception, the least the guests can do is follow your wishes or fork over the money for their own drinks. I think it’s great that you’re offering wine, because at least you are offering some form of alcohol and let’s face it, usually when people drink "hard liquor" they become drunk and that can cause multiple problems. With wine, in moderation, you don’t get quite so drunk and so therefore no embarrassing problems.
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July 5th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Just state that wine and non alcoholic beverages will be served with dinner. Cocktails are not included. Surely they will understand. I think you’re being generous. After all you will have an open bar at the wedding. The waiter has no control over what people order. So you will have to make it clear to them. I think the father of the bride should state it. Best wishes to you and your fiancee.
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July 5th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
the way of the world has hit your wallet, we can only do wine, today,thank you,(joking but real)
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July 5th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
These are your days! Unfortunately there are some sticklers who have to have there beers or hard alcohol. Be blunt and tell them "We are supplying you with food and limited wine and unlimited non alcoholic drinks.. You don’t need to explain or feel guilty. It is the rehearsal dinner not the wedding reception. Let them know they are welcome to purchase beer or cocktails but they would need to go to the bar. I would STRONGLY suggest that the waitstaff put on notice that they are not to serve any other alcoholic drink other then the wine. So you don’t end up shelling out a few hundred more dollars!
So if your guests want something other then wine they need to go to the bar and order and pay for it. I have a
suggestion though I know it is just a few days away but to be fair you may want to consider a couple cases of beer or even 1 case too. That way people can have the choice of wine or beer. I know a lot of people who prefer wine but i know a lot that only drink beer. This way they have wider choice and the likelihood of many going for cocktails would be slim to none. A lighter beer and a darker beer maybe. Good luck!
Again, do not let the waitstaff give hard alcoholic drinks. Your guests will need to get it from the bar!
Personally, I would supply beer and wine that way people will stay away from the hard stuff at least until the next day:-) ! But there is NO HARM with going with the wine only.
Don’t feel guilty or concern yourself that you would be looked at as being cheap. You just don’t want people to be hungover and late to your special day.. Wine and beer !!
Good luck and congrats !!
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Bridesmaid and at my friends rehearsal dinner was red and white wine and cheap beer budweiser and bud light. I think corona and Amstel light too !!
July 5th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
you can put a personalised note on each table – " We Treat you with the wine today to pamper you for the open bar tomorrow". Please enjoy your wine.
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July 5th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Assuming the tables are going to be set out nicely, why don’t you get some cards printed out with a note on saying
‘please be aware that although the wedding dinner tomorrow will be a free bar, only wine and soft drinks will be available tonight. Any extra drinks you would like will be billed directly to you’
Or words to that effect.
You could also cover yourself by telling the waiters what the score is, so that they know that other drinks are to be billed to the person direct.
I don’t think you’re being cheapo at all – I wouldn’t even have a free bar (but then, most of my relatives drink like fish!).
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July 5th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
you say that the meal will include wine
anythin else you wish is at your own expense and discretion. then you make it very clear with the manager that anything not in your agreement will be charged to the idividual. and that they make that very clear when the person asks. usually fancier places have a drinks menu so just make sure the wait staff provides one to anyone who asks and they set up a separate bar bill for each person
you should have recieved a price per person for the preset menu so you will know instantly if its wrong
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July 5th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Since the rehearsal is usually the bridal party, groomsmen, and close family I would just explain to them the situation before Friday. Tell them that any alcoholic beverages other than the wine provided will be billed to them personally. Also have your brother talk to his server staff to explain that any alcoholic beverages purchased by people at the rehearsal dinner should be billed individually and not on your tab. Make sure the bar staff at the restaurant know this especially, since if people show up early that’s most likely where they’ll wait.
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July 5th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Just tell the servers before hand and let them tell your guests, no biggie!! It’s nice that you are even offering wine, weddings and rehersals are not cheap.
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July 5th, 2010 at 8:43 pm
working my way through college i was a waitress (server) and i worked at a really nice restaurant, we had a lot of anniversary parties, rehearsal dinners, etc, always the ones of us that were going to be taking orders at the tables we were always told in advance what the guests could could not order and then we just simply said, "I’m so sorry but that item is unavailable tonight, however may i recommend ____", so i’d just talk to your brother and have him talk to the servers then you might want to talk to the servers also before hand, that away you can avoid awkward moments. and it’s really common so don’t worry about it, i served for parties that didn’t want the guests ordering the $80 steak, or the $120 seafood, so it’s really common, i’ve been to some dinners where the only thing you could order was 3 items, and some that they had no limits on good luck
please answer mine it’s along the same lines sort of thank you
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Atz0g45Wv8YW7MRyxpPTohTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090316143704AAYEytG
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July 5th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Make it perfectly clear with the waiters and restuarant manager that you will not be paying for anything other than the wine so if people order the other spirits/drinks the waiter MUST tell them that they need to pay for their drinks as they order them.
Usually paying as they order is the best way to go when you have situations like these so you are not left with any drinks bills and everyone knows when they order that it is not included with the ‘freebies’ you are paying for.
Most people however, more than likely expect to pay for some things themselves so don’t worry about offending anyone.
Or as you greet your guests tell them like this
" hi X, we’re sitting over there, sit next to X/anywhere you like, there is wine if you would like it or any other alcoholic drinks just need to be odered and paid for thru the barman/waiter…"
Thats a nice easy way to break it to everyone so no one is confused
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mum of 3