In what manner would you properly cook a troll? Would you bake & baste? Slow cook them over a fire? BBQ? Stir-fry? Brown them in a pan and make them into a casserole?
Would it be proper to serve wine with the meal, considering they supply so much of it already?
Would this be a good dinner to have friends over for or not even your worst enemy?
This is an excerpt that I find online….
What Wine Matches Roast Troll
The movie "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover" has a most unusual final scene. After the thief, who has control of a French restaurant, kills his wife’s lover, the wife has her revenge. She has the French chef cook her lover whole in an elaborate presentation. She then forces her husband to start eating her roast lover, calls him a cannibal, and then shoots him. I am not certain what wines were being served, but they likely were French. If the meal was around January 22, then the wines most likely included Burgundy, since January 22 is Saint Vincent’s day, and St. Vincent is the patron saint of wine.
Now suppose a tribe of cannibals catches a troll. A troll is likey not nearly as tender as a young virgin, but if they are hungry enough they likey would eat it. The question arises if a troll is really a deformed member of the human species or is some other type of creature. It probably would take DNA testing to answer that question. Thus eating a troll might or might not be cannibalism. The cannibals most likely would roast the troll whole on a spit. One would expect troll meat to be very tough and gamy. The jowls probably would be extremely tough from all of the screams and diarrhea of the mouth that characterize trolls. The cannibals most likely would like a wine to make eating the troll more enjoyable. Thus, what wine should be served wth roast troll. I am guessing one of the monster California Cabernets from the 70s such as the David Bruce 74 might do. Australia, the South of France, and Italy also have some huge wines that go with game. Perhaps you can come up with a better suggestion.
I do have some regular tasting notes. I am saving them for now, because people would wear their fingers out scrolling to the bottom of several pages before reading them because of a massive thread that keeps coming to the top.
Anders wouldn’t troll be better served with Aqua vit?Drink a bottle of Aquavit first and then throw out the troll.
July 31st, 2010 at 2:16 am
I would cook a troll in a kettle over an open camp fire and I would probably serve it with everclear and would invite the whole family:)
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 2:46 am
Deep-fried Troll is the best ever.
Yes you should serve it with their own whine.
By all means have your friends over, they could each bring their own Troll, variety is the spice of life.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 2:56 am
Trolls are tough little bastards… A good southern slow smoking method should tenderize the little bugger. I’d go mesquite wood.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 3:18 am
Boil them alive….kinda like lobster
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 3:43 am
I would sooo feed my peoples this…oven roasted w/ onions and gravy..w/ white rice!!
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 3:54 am
I would say BBQ! Yummy! Serve it with a good bottle of wine and have lots of friends over!
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 4:39 am
a true troll should only be cooked outdoors, to avoid contamination. After slow roasting, on a sharp spit over an enormously hot fire, feed em to the first big hungry nasty dog you find. Never waste good wine on one and don’t feed it to anyone you remotely care for. Its the contamination thing again.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 5:03 am
lol, how bout troll stew =D
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 5:25 am
In a kettle of leperchan water, drop in some flakes of gold, and some yard trimmings. place the live troll in the pot with a few apples and deer bones and slowly heat the water. cover and stew for 4 hours. After each hour crack open the lid and with a mason jar catch the wines coming out.(omit the growls and gasses) When troll stops wining it is finished.Ball up the troll and Set aside. Crank up heat and cook down half the liquid. Add one mason jar of wine, cook down half again. Remove deer bones and toss to dogs. Unfurrel troll, Garnish with yard trimmings, pour over liquid, add more gold flakes and enjoy with hands and napkins. Invite friends and worst enemies, when the feast is over, your enemies will speak with an Irish brouge and they will fear you. Discard leftovers.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 5:57 am
Put them in a BIG pot of boiling water, with loads of vegetables. Then you throw a rock in with them.
When the rock is soft, the troll is ready to be served……….to your garden, it guarantees to kill all weeds
Best with a bottle of Bundabergs finest drop.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 6:19 am
Hi JB,
Sounds good to me.. I would cook the little S.O.B. over Hot Hot coals and turn the troll very slowly to make sure the troll gets what is coming to it.. First put real butter all over the troll we what the troll to be nice and crispy and well done.. A little Cayenne pepper,garlic and a special B.B.Q. Sauce and slowly cook for 2 hours we what the troll well done don’t we..Serve with home made Irish Bread,a nice baked potato with lots of sour cream..Don’t forget the green salad. Now that is a good meal My Friend..Lol..
A Friend,
poppy1
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 6:28 am
Slow cook them over a fire…pmsl…
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 7:11 am
just make Troll House cookies!!!!
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 7:25 am
lol have u ever seen the movie thinner? its mad old i would serve it in a pie apple preferably with vanilla icecream after dinner to my worst enemy so bake it
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 8:11 am
I’ve never tasted troll, are you giving any invites out for the next one? ill bring the Jacks…
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 8:51 am
I don’t think you should cook troll, i think they are poisonous.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 9:30 am
Why on earth would you want to poison your body by eating a troll???
Slow roast them on a spit over an open flame and feed them to the wolves.
Enjoy a glass of Merlot as you watch the show!!
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 9:44 am
I would skewer him and roll in him corn mealed batter and deep fry it, serve it smothered in mustard and ketchup!
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 10:32 am
OMG try the troll pie. It’s delicious.
References :
July 31st, 2010 at 11:18 am
This is an excerpt that I find online….
What Wine Matches Roast Troll
The movie "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover" has a most unusual final scene. After the thief, who has control of a French restaurant, kills his wife’s lover, the wife has her revenge. She has the French chef cook her lover whole in an elaborate presentation. She then forces her husband to start eating her roast lover, calls him a cannibal, and then shoots him. I am not certain what wines were being served, but they likely were French. If the meal was around January 22, then the wines most likely included Burgundy, since January 22 is Saint Vincent’s day, and St. Vincent is the patron saint of wine.
Now suppose a tribe of cannibals catches a troll. A troll is likey not nearly as tender as a young virgin, but if they are hungry enough they likey would eat it. The question arises if a troll is really a deformed member of the human species or is some other type of creature. It probably would take DNA testing to answer that question. Thus eating a troll might or might not be cannibalism. The cannibals most likely would roast the troll whole on a spit. One would expect troll meat to be very tough and gamy. The jowls probably would be extremely tough from all of the screams and diarrhea of the mouth that characterize trolls. The cannibals most likely would like a wine to make eating the troll more enjoyable. Thus, what wine should be served wth roast troll. I am guessing one of the monster California Cabernets from the 70s such as the David Bruce 74 might do. Australia, the South of France, and Italy also have some huge wines that go with game. Perhaps you can come up with a better suggestion.
I do have some regular tasting notes. I am saving them for now, because people would wear their fingers out scrolling to the bottom of several pages before reading them because of a massive thread that keeps coming to the top.
Anders wouldn’t troll be better served with Aqua vit?Drink a bottle of Aquavit first and then throw out the troll.
References :
http://www.drinksplanet.com/forums/wines-planet/2562-what-wine-matches-roast-troll.html
July 31st, 2010 at 11:43 am
LMAO! JB YOU REALLY HAVE IT IN FOR THE TROLLS HUH? I CROWN THEE KING OF DEATH TO TROLLS!!! LOL
References :